Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
even my farts smell like vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my being single is dangerous.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
