Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize