I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
