I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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