He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need to align my fucking chakras
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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