Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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