My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
