so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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