I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
