Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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