At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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