were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
