eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
