Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
