remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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