I molested 6 butterflies tonight
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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