I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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