Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
