Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
