If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
