My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
