I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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