420 ftw
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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