Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
