the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
