So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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