Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
