Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
