you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
