She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
