if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
