Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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