Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
