How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
