JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
