all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
