have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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