my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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