the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
