Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
