Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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