he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize