she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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