she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
