...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
