We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
