Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
