party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
