I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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