Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize