sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
