i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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