about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
