Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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