I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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