She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I came so hard my ears popped.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
