She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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