You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
