So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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