He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
