We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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