he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
