Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
